Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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