So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
