You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
