I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
