Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
