Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
