So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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