i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
