His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Houston, we have a squirter
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
