So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
