I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
