I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
