My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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