I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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