Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
