yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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