apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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