i barfeds in our rink
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
