I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
