I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
