listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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