YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
