booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
