i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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