what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
