My room smells like vodka and shame
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
