what day is it and did you see me today?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
