i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
