I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
So apparently I’m into choking now
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
