Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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