Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
