Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
