Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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