we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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