its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Randomize
