well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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