My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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