Already got asked if we're dating
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
