If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
