Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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