Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize