I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
