Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you didnt know i had herpes?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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