Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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