I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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