What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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