I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
