the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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