no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Randomize