I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
