I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
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