the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
