i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
