So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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