Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
