i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
As shirtless as possible
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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