Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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