when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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