then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
