The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
third nipple confirmed
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
