I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
