New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
