it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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