White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
