i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Apparently you make a good broom.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Found your dick twin last night
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
