i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
