Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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